The Bad, Ugly and the Depressing

I swear I have just had a bad week. As you can tell by the title I haven't really had a good week. I lost track of reality for the whole of this week, I didn't even realise it was Sunday in till around 2:30.  There should have been a blog on Tuesday, so it shows how far out I am. On Tuesday I got to help teach some medical students, mainly about mental health but also about autism. Hopefully, I made a bit of an impact.

Wednesday I don't even know what has happened had a catastrophic meltdown and completely forgot what I did that day, same with Thursday. I don't which day it happened but I lost two days. 

Friday, me and my parents went into town. I nearly had a complete verbal outburst in the middle of the high street. I had someone in trying to get promote something, I watched him earlier he tried to use the thing to draw people in. If you want to laugh please do, to try and bring me in he said "YO! Dude," this didn't work so he tried to follow me a couple steps and then said, "I like your T-shirt". If you have already caught up. I didn't answer. I barely respond to my name. It's like a 60/40 chance of me answering so to that. There really was very little. Then from 23:30 till 3 in the morning I kept ticking, actually I fell asleep ticking or I knocked myself out- not too sure about that one. Then from the moment I woke up (around 8:30) till around 21:30 I kept ticking and hitting my self, so everywhere is now bruised. I can't really breathe without something hurting. My parents brought me some new glove, virtually near the end of the ticking spree, (of course I said thank you) I now have some new gloves which have a bit more padding so if I tick its a bit more unlikely that I can do serious damage, I think anyway.

Later that day I was invited to a party, because 'I'm different' no one spoke to me for 3 hours, so I went home. It wasn't nice. I thought that I am independent enough to do this like this. When I got there, the music was so loud I could feel my bones shake, there are so many flashing lights and people just looked at me then spoke to someone else or spoke to my parents. I felt like I wasn't meant to be there.

Then today I felt like bad because everything that happened the night before- that when I message my very good friend. 

I try and speak to my 'neurotypical' (ugh) "friends" but they don't understand me, even the ones that say they have an autistic person as a friend. (A little bit of a rant here) What is it with people thinking that they understand someone on the spectrum as soon as their friend has autism. Having a friend on the spectrum means nothing, you know next to nothing of the complexity of what you could encounter. I have Aspergers, two other people I know have Asperger's yet I hate being touched, one doesn't care and the other likes it. My speciality is in maths and science, ones are the humanities and the other is languages. I have big meltdowns every now and then. one has virtually none and the other has pretty frequently. These are small things in terms of ASD. It more like it a status point, where someone would say "oh, I am an autistic friend", if they are a friend then you don't have to make a big thing out. The only time someone has to say they have lots of experience with autism is when you are working with them the majority of the time. Even then they are usually called a specialist or Special Educational Co-ordinators- it is their job! This is what usually happens someone on the spectrum asked for help, the person with 'an autistic friend' panics then they make the situation worse because they panic and don't know what to do because it's not like their friend. Right rant over, or it could be here all day and night and probably a couple months as well.

Anyway... Thank you for reading down this far. If you like the other side of autism please comment down below or subscribe above, somewhere up ^ their ^. Please ask any questions if you want. If you would like to give any ideas or talk to me click the tab at the side and email me.